matthew 7:7-8

Shifting...

2010-10-10T20:21:00.003-04:00

While I don't feel all of my spiritual struggles have been unearthed, let alone explored and resolved, I have been a bit sidetracked from my journey as of late. I don't plan to discontinue or delete this blog, but I don't expect to write in it for a while.

In the meantime, I have started a blog about my journey with fibromyalgia. I've made a total of one entry so far, but intend to spend more time researching and writing about fibromyalgia in the future. I consider it an aspect of my treatment planning. For those of you who are curious, my new blog can be found at: http://fightfibro.healthblogs.org/. Here's an excerpt from my first entry.

Fibromyaglia is a combination of sensitivities and stressors that lead to diminished well-being and health... There are many causes and contributing factors, which lead to a spectrum of symptoms, which ultimately develop into the self-perpetuating syndrome known as fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is too complex, too new, and too mild of a health problem for the medical community to press beyond symptom management and into the confusing and complex maze of causative and contributing factors, the available interventions, and the process of moving from treating symptoms to addressing the root of the
problem.

Part of the challenge of moving forward in treatment of fibromyalgia, as well as many other syndromes and spectrum disorders, is that no two patients are the same... The key for sorting out symptom management and treatment for any complex condition is to identify which symptoms are impacting function the most, and focus on addressing those issues first... Another important aspect of managing complex conditions is identifying any areas of maladaption that may have developed... Any maladaptive strategy a patient has developed will only serve to exacerbate their symptoms and hamper their healing and recovery, which is why it is an important area of intervention when treating fibromyalgia and other chronic conditions.

Growing Up

2010-07-04T13:43:00.003-04:00

There comes a point in your spiritual life, as in human life, where many come to question their origins and how they were raised.

Growing up, I idolized my father. In my eyes, he could do no wrong.

Growing up, I learned about God, went to private school, and studied all of the right answers to questions I had never had.

You, the reader, may relate to the devastation I went through as a young adult when I finally learned my father was NOT perfect.

I am going through the grief process of realizing my church, my religion, and Christianity in general is NOT perfect.

I pray that just as God has helped me into a healthy reconciliation with my father, he will guide me into a healthy reconciliation with my church, my religion, and Christianity. Because otherwise, I fear, I will be lost.

Moving Beyond Tolerance

2010-06-27T21:13:00.002-04:00

It's been awhile

2010-05-16T21:56:00.002-04:00

It's been almost a year since I last wrote on here. I've been a little preoccupied. The main thing that has been going on in my life has been learning to live with fibromyalgia. I was having a lot of health problems in the fall, and I was finally diagnosed in February with FM. I'll be honest, it's been a bit of an adjustment, but God has blessed me. I'm learning how to take better care of myself and to manage my symptoms, and on my good days I actually feel better than I have in a very long time. For those of you who are unfamiliar with fibromyalgia, here's a good introduction/overview to fill you in on what I've been learning to live with: FM Fact Sheet.

Now that I'm doing better, I hope to have more time/energy to put into this blog. I've been doing a lot of thinking and it will be good for me to try to organize my thoughts.

Renewed Heart Ministries

2009-06-19T20:39:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to share a really great website: Renewed Heart Ministries. Herb Montgomery is a pastor that gets it. I'll let his messages speak for themselves: http://www.renewedheartministries.com.

Growth

2009-05-09T12:49:00.003-04:00

I love spring time. Despite it's dangers (pollen, poison ivy, and the allure of baby animals I don't have the time/room/money to care for), I truly enjoy seeing green, lush growth after the dreary brown, dormant scenery of winter.

Spring reminds me of the seasons of growth I'm continually going through as a person and as a child of God. All I can say is I'm glad God's not through with me yet. I've been struggling... more often than not... for as long as I can remember. God has granted me triumphs and given me great blessings that I don't deserve, and yet I still feel like I'm waging a continual uphill battle.

I've been trying to pair my worries with praises...to remind myself despite what I'm facing, God has always seen me through.

Frustrations at work. But thank God for work!

Worries about money. But thank God for work and for keeping me healthy so I don't miss work!

Unresolved pain and bitterness about my mom. But thank God for granting me understanding and hope in the future -- being reunited with mom in heaven, one day experiencing the fullness of motherhood myself.

Ugh-ness. Amen!

Haha. Still a work in progress, as you can see!

Sermon Video

2009-04-14T07:19:00.005-04:00

This is a sermon I gave at my church (Canton Adventist Church) on 4/4/2009.

The audio is HIDEOUS at the beginning,
but it gets better once my dear hubby brings me a working microphone.

brainstorming...

2009-03-29T20:25:00.003-04:00

I've started working on my sermon and I'm feeling a little better about it. I won't feel good about it until I've finalized it though...my mind can't rest knowing I've got something important coming up.

I've decided my sermon is going to be entitled "Bringing Heaven to Earth." I've got some really good quotes and some exciting concepts going through my head that I hope I can communicate clearly and effectively. Despite how much I hate seeing videos of myself, I'm going to have Drew run our video camera this weekend and I'll post the resulting video on here for those of you who wish you could be there but can't. :)

what was i thinking?

2009-03-25T19:00:00.002-04:00

so...i'm scheduled to "preach" at my church next weekend...

i kind of have an idea of what i want to say...

but what was i thinking?

i'm 25. i have no theological training. i'm not a "good" christian. who would want to hear me speak? i don't feel qualified.

on the one hand, makes me really grateful to be a part of a church where everyone has value... including me.

on the other hand, they must be desperate for speakers.

i'm getting really nervous...

A Sermon I Heard from a "Heretic"

2009-01-19T20:37:00.003-05:00

Despite the rather cheesy intro, the sermon is quite fantastic. Pastor Gary asks some really good questions that I would almost be afraid to ask in my own mind, let alone in front of a whole group of people. But I think they are valid questions. I could see how the questions he asks may make some people feel uncomfortable, but I think it's because they are hard questions that challenge the way we've always believed. But I think it is important to challenge and stretch what you believe in so that when it is really tested your faith will be as strong as can be. Check it out:

There is so much beauty in this world

2009-01-16T20:49:00.006-05:00

There is so much beauty in this world...how much do you miss?

"Many a marketing survey has been conducted to gauge how presentation affects consumer perceptions of quality, and quite a few such surveys have found that people will frequently designate one of two identical items as being distinctly better than the other simply because it is packaged or presented more attractively. Might this same concept apply to fields outside of consumer products, such as the arts? Would, for example, people distinguish between a world-class instrumental virtuoso and an ordinary street musician if the only difference between them were the setting? These were questions tackled by Washington Post writer Gene Weingarten in 2007 when he enlisted renowned violinist Joshua Bell, a winner of the Avery Fisher Prize for outstanding achievement in classical music who regularly undertakes over 200 international engagements a year, to spend part of a morning playing incognito at the entrance to a Washington Metro station during a morning rush hour. Weingarten set up the event 'as an experiment in context, perception and priorities — as well as an unblinking assessment of public taste: In a banal setting at an inconvenient time, would beauty transcend?'

"So, on 12 January 2007, morning commuters passing through the L'Enfant Plaza Station of the subway line in Washington, D.C. were, without publicity, treated to a free mini-concert performed by violin virtuoso Joshua Bell, who played for approximately 45 minutes, performing six classical pieces during that span on his handcrafted 1713 Stradivarius violin (for which Bell reportedly paid $3.5 million). As Weingarten described the crux of the experiment:

Each passerby had a quick choice to make, one familiar to commuters in any urban area where the occasional street performer is part of the cityscape: Do you stop and listen? Do you hurry past with a blend of guilt and irritation, aware of your cupidity but annoyed by the unbidden demand on your time and your wallet? Do you throw in a buck, just to be polite? Does your decision change if he's really bad? What if he's really good? Do you have time for beauty? Shouldn't you? What's the moral mathematics of the moment?

"Three days earlier, Bell had played to a full house at Boston's Symphony Hall, where fairly good seats went for $100. But on this day he collected just $32.17 for his efforts, contributed by a mere 27 of 1,097 passing travelers. Only seven people stopped to listen, and just one of them recognized the performer.

"The Washington Post won a Pulitzer in the feature writing category for Gene Weingarten's April 2007 story about this experiment."

Read this story at Snopes.com: http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/bell.asp

To read Gene Weingarten's article, entitled Pearls Before Breakfast click here.

A Disconnected World

2009-01-11T10:33:00.002-05:00

How many of your neighbors do you know? Do you spend time with them? I know the names of maybe 4 of our neighbors. If I happen to see them when I'm leaving or returning, I might say "hi". The other day one of my dogs "ran" away next door when he heard people. Drew and I went over and talked for a good 30-45 minutes with them...something that wouldn't have happened unless we were chasing our run-away dog.

How many times have you brushed someone aside or only half listened to them because you were busy? You were playing a game, reading something, or watching a TV show, and you found your attention couldn't be averted fully away from what you were doing, even for just a few minutes, in order to connect with whoever it was that was seeking your attention.

How many meals have you eaten with another person without saying more than a few sentences? How many times have you ridden in the car with others and hardly said a word? How many times have you just failed to connect to other people in your world?

I'm sorry to admit that I have been guilty of not connecting. Time and time again. There have been times I'd rather send an email or a card than have a telephone conversation. There have been times I'd rather spend time alone than take the effort and time to listen or pay attention to someone else.

We are living in one of the most technologically advanced societies of the world. We have everything we need and most everything we want. We have every convenience and comfort we could dream of. We are blessed.

But we are disconnected. We have become a society of individuals. And this is tragic.

We are designed to be connected. We were designed to be connected to God, to our earth, to God's creatures, and to each other. But somehow it's become easier for us to function without the hassle of those connections. We're all about what's convenient and comfortable. If God works in ways that are inconvenient or uncomfortable for us, we turn against Him. We blame Him for upsetting our way of doing things. We don't respect Him. If something in our earth is inconvenient or uncomfortable, we "fix" it. We find a way to ignore it, change it, or replace it so that we can be comfortable again. We don't respect our earth. If one of God's creatures has made things inconvenient or uncomfortable for us, we kill it, abuse it, neglect it, abandon it, or drive it away. We don't respect the animals. And if someone doesn't fit our agenda and our time frame, we reject him or her, and expect to be understood as being busy or stressed. If a relationship no longer suits our wants or needs, we discard it.

What are the consequences of this attitude? We are disconnected. We are depressed. We are dysfunctional. We are destroying ourselves and everything around us.

I'm not okay with this. I'm vowing to make an effort to connect and to respect everyone and everything around me. I'm not connected and I'm going to change that. God help me.

Irreverence is a spiritual gift?!?

2008-12-13T14:47:00.003-05:00

An author by the name of Tom Beaudoin wrote a book entitled "Virtual Faith: The Irreverent Spiritual Quest of Generation X." I haven't read the book yet, but from what I've read in the reviews and quotes I've found, it seems he's pinpointed how Gen Xers question the age-old crap we've been fed that pop culture and religion are mutually exclusive. I'm evidentally not the only person out there who feels that it's not a sin to get a tattoo or spend time in a bar or hang around people who aren't "holy."

"Both society and the church teach about religious meaning through media, technology, sciences, and tradition. Young adults, as creators and receivers of that culture, often work outside the traditional box asking questions or making connections that other adults may overlook. Cynicism, irreverence, and attitude may characterize this push."

Those are the negative connotations attached to this attitude. But more open-minded individuals actually view this attitude as a spiritual gift. It's our way of testing what's true and relevant for us, here and now, not holding out for a better day once the world ends (which our elders have posited can't be long off...and they've said that for over 100 years now...maybe longer).

This attitude is a gift, "touched by God's sometimes discomforting spirit, that authentically demands a connection between the world today, the world of young adults, and the ancient tradition of the Christian faith." It is also "a prophetic gift that young adults may bring to both church and culture--exposing hypocrisy, demanding truth, and leading to acts of justice and love."

(Quotes are from Sidney D. Fowler in the Push It! Bible Quest series for young adults.)

Your Erroneous Zones

2008-12-07T18:44:00.006-05:00

I'm beginning to realize how much my mental health status affects my spiritual life, and vice versa. When I read The Shack by Wm. Paul Young, I realized how many erroneous thoughts I had about God, Jesus, and my worth and role as a human being. The Shack really helped me put my spiritual life back into perspective and helped me let go of a lot of unseen baggage I had been carrying around about religion and God. It reminded me of how beautiful and special this world and all of creation is: including all of the people who live on earth.

I followed up reading The Shack with the book Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I thought it was a pretty good follow up, because it helped me further challenge my thoughts about God, others, and especially myself. I have realized there are lots of different erroneous thoughts floating around in my head that make me feel stressed out and unhappy.

The last chapter of Your Erroneous Zones is about people who have eliminated erroneous thoughts from their minds. I liked how Dr. Dyer summed it up in this sentence: People who have eliminated all erroneous zones from their lives are "too busy being to notice what their neighbors are doing." They are fully-functional without the help of others and don't have time to worry about others. A cute link a friend sent me reinforced how people who are self-actualized differ from other people. I encourage you to check it out. It's called "Sweet Taters."

giving thanks

2008-11-30T14:26:00.004-05:00

Drew and I spent Thanksgiving in St. Louis with my family. I love Thanksgiving. This year, I spent some time really thinking about how much I have to be grateful for. And there is a LOT. I won't list all of them, but here are a few categories:

I am thankful for the people and animals in my life.
I am thankful for the opportunities I have to grow and improve.
I am thankful for the material blessings that have given me much comfort and pleasure over the past year.
I am thankful for my job and the chance I have had to make a difference in the lives of children on a daily basis.
I am thankful for a Creator who revels in my unique personality and accepts me and loves me for who I am.
I am thankful to live in a world that still has so much beauty and wonder.

I realize this blog has become somewhat of a way for me to express what I don't like. So, there are at least six things I do like to balance it out. :)

recommendation for your viewing pleasure

2008-11-21T19:54:00.003-05:00

This week at our small group, we watched a talk by W. Paul Young, the author of The Shack. We were all really struck by his honesty, sincerity, peace, hope, love, brilliance, etc. You should check it out, even if you haven't read the book. It doesn't spoil anything about the book, but it definitely adds some perspective for those of us who have read it. If you're interested, follow this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf7-vKhaTz4

This link will take you to part 4 of 12; the first three are music and a long introduction. There is still some introduction on part 4, but it's worth waiting out. Once part 4 completes, look for part 5, etc.

get real

2008-11-13T20:28:00.003-05:00

"And don't say anything you don't mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, 'I'll pray for you,' and never doing it, or saying, 'God be with you,' and not meaning it. You don't make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong." (Matt. 5:33-37, Message)

How are Christians like politicians? Let me count the ways...

Some Christians are so convinced they are right and everyone else is wrong that they forget we are all human and all fall short of the grace of God.

Others are so concerned with being liked that they won't say what they believe in.

Some Christians think that because they are Christians, they have to have all the answers and have to act religious all the time; or at least when around other Christians. But that's just it -- it's just an ACT.

I love the term Eugene Peterson uses in this verse: "religious lace." I don't know how many Christians do it purposefully, but I've noticed this behavior a lot... There are Christians who pray very eloquently and who seem to say all the right things, but they seem to be missing something... that something being a calm assurance in their relationship with Christ.

This is a hard topic to write about without judging others and their walks with God. All I know is as a struggling Christian, hearing other Christians use all the right religious terms without having a true connection with God is a huge turn off. It's true what the Bible says, "In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true." I've grown up my entire life hearing religous-speak; I am thirsty for REAL people, genuine people. I don't care if they don't have all the right answers, I just want them to be honest with themselves, with God, and with me.

rest

2008-11-07T19:52:00.011-05:00

Be Still - Newsboys

be still and know He
know He is holy
be still and know He is God
we have our lives with inventions
that have hurried us nowhere fast
now we need to turn our attentions
to what will last

be still and know He
know He is holy
be still and know He is God
love Him more dearly
see Him more clearly
be still and know He is God

we've been running without a direction
we're afraid to get there late
what we need is strength just to kneel down
and wait

be still and know He
know He is holy
be still and know He is God
love Him more dearly
see Him more clearly
be still and know He is God

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There never seems to be enough time in a day. Things go by so quickly, and my to do list seems to be getting longer instead of shorter every day. It's so easy to fall into the cycle of going, going, going, because there is never an end to what needs to be done. And that's just talking about responsibilities. When you throw in the things you want to do, you have even less time.

But we are hard-wired to require rest. And not just sleeping every night. But to actually spend a portion of our day, while we are awake, resting. Our bodies have two basic physiologic states, which are controlled by separate nerves and brain functions.

The first physiologic state is controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system, and is responsible for what's called homeostasis. Homeostasis is complex, but is essentially the body's ability to regulate. It enables the body to regulate many different processes, including hydration, temperatue, digestion, filtering of nutrients and waste, healing, and arousal level (how awake/alert we are). It also allows us to adapt to our environment, both internal and external. It is quite literally our bodies' "home" state -- where we are supposed to be functioning most of the time.

The second physiologic state is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system, and is responsible for the well-known "fight or flight response". It is a protective system that is intented to alert us to danger and help us to escape or fight the source of danger. This system is always functioning, and during times of rest, works in conjunction with the parasympathetic nervous system. But during times of stress, the sympathetic nervous system "takes charge" and overrides parasympathetic activity. It is necessary for survival.

But when we stay constantly busy and stressed, we essentially wear our bodies out. We don't spend enough time in homeostasis where our bodies can regulate all those important functions I mentioned before. We aren't able to heal adequately, we don't filter nutrients and waste effectively, we have trouble falling asleep and staying awake, etc., etc. It becomes a vicious cycle--the more accrued damage our bodies store up, the more and more rest they will need to get back to "normal." So, we develop internal stress on top of the external stress we experience.

The funny thing about humans, though, is that we don't easily remember how important it is to rest. No wonder God had to give us a command to rest, and for a whole 24-hour period, no less! I know many days I don't slow down long enough for a 15-minute lunch break, let alone 24 hours at a time. There are so many important things that happen when we rest. Yes, of course, there are the important physiological reasons I've described. But rest is also crucial for mental health, relationships, and spirituality. And again, I don't just mean getting enough sleep. I'm also referring to spending time "resting" while we are awake...being still...

Isn't it hard? But we need it. We need it so much, God commands us out of love to take time to rest. When we are properly rested, we are healthier, more vibrant, and better capable to face the challenges that come our way. We are more grounded; centered; organized; whatever you want to call it. We are more in tune with God and with others. It's such a positive and crucial part of our lives; why is it so easy to ignore and abuse?

envy

2008-11-06T22:02:00.002-05:00

“You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.” (Exodus 20:17, NLT)

There is an aspect of my personality that I've been struggling with for as long as I remember. And it has to do with envy. I have enormous respect for talent of every form, but many times I can't just leave it at that. When I am confronted with someone of talent, particularly when it is someone I know and am close to, I cannot always simply appreciate their talent. I start to compare myself and pick out all of the ways I am not as talented or skilled. What is it about me that makes me want to be the best at everything, and beating myself up because I'm not?

Envy does not do me any good. It just makes me sad. It makes me dissatisfied. And then it discolors my ability to enjoy others' talents. Ugh. It's disgusting to even admit. What an unpleasant part of being human.

So what does it take to avoid envy, lust, and coveting? I really think the root, or foundation, is being content with who and what and where you are. Then, out of that, you can live a life of love, acceptance, and appreciation for the ways we are all different and unique. And, of course, none of us have the power to do this on our own. It's not our nature.

I know one of the fastest ways for me to realize I am not feeling content or secure is when I catch myself being envious. Right now, I happen to be feeling a bit covetous of my husband's ability to play the piano. He is in the other room playing and singing. His musical talent is one of the things that I admire most about him; the first time I heard him play the piano, I quite nearly melted...

So, WHY can such a beautiful feeling, such a beautiful thing--my admiration and appreciation of his talent--become so twisted so that it actually causes me pain? I know my heart is not in the right place. And I know I'm not perfect and I'm bound to have negativity in my life from time to time. And I know it will pass. I know, I know, and I know. But my heart does not know.

I'm reading a book entitled Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer per the recommendation of some dear friends of mine. One of the things he states very strongly early on in the book is that we are capable of controlling our feelings. This is based on two premises: First, that we can control our thoughts, and second, that our feelings are a result of our thoughts. Therefore, since we can control our thoughts, and our feelings come from our thoughts, we can control our feelings. If that is true, then I have some work to do on learning how to control my thoughts instead of letting them control me. Sounds like a good goal to me.

what's my style?

2008-11-05T21:47:00.003-05:00

Last night was OurSpace -- our small group from church that gets together once a week. We got started watching Rob Bell's Nooma videos and have since developed into a more eclectic discussion group. Right now we're all reading The Shack and plan on discussing it once everyone finishes (hurry up, Ed & Drew!!!).

Anyway, last night we watched You've Got Style, a DVD sermon by Andy Stanley, the pastor of North Point Community Church, a prominent & progressive church in the Atlanta area. The sermon was based on Hebrews 10 & the book Sacred Pathways by Gary L. Thomas. It really made sense to me, especially when he was talking about the 4 major pitfalls we are all guilty of when it comes to misunderstanding worship styles. The basic premise of the sermon was that there is only one path to salvation, which is through Jesus Christ, but that there are many different expressions and ways of connecting with God along that path.

He introduced 9 different styles that Gary Thomas mentions in his book:

Intellectual - Loving God with the Mind:These Christians live in the world of concepts. They may feel closest to God when they first understand something new about Him.
Contemplative - Loving God through Adoration:These Christians seek to love God with the purest, deepest, and brightest love imaginable. They want nothing more than some privacy and quiet to gaze upon the face of their heavenly Lover and give all of themselves to God.
Enthusiast - Loving God with Mystery & Celebration:Excitement and mystery in worship is the spiritual lifeblood of enthusiasts. They are inspired by joyful celebration; cheerleaders for God and the Christian life. They don't want to just know concepts, but to experience them, to feel them, and to be moved by them. They like to let go and experience God on the precipice of excitement and awe.
Caregiver - Loving God by Loving Others:Caregivers serve God by serving others. They often claim to see Christ in the poor and needy, and their faith is built up by interacting with other people. Caring for others recharges a caregiver's batteries.
Activist - Loving God Through Confrontation:These Christians define worship as standing against evil and calling sinners to repentance. They are energized more by interaction with others, even in conflict, than by being alone or in small groups. Activists are spiritually nourished through the battle.
Ascetic - Loving God in Solitude and Simplicity:Ascetics want nothing more than to be left alone in prayer. Let there be nothing to distract them--no pictures, no loud music--and leave them alone to pray in silence and simplicity.
Traditionalist - Loving God Through Ritual and Symbol:Traditionalists are fed by what are often termed the historic dimensions of faith: rituals, symbols, sacraments, and sacrifice. They tend to have a disciplined life of faith and have a need for ritual and structure.
Sensate - Loving God with the Senses:Sensate Christians want to be lost in the awe, beauty, and splendor of God. They are drawn particularly to the liturgical, the majestic, the grand. They want to be filled with sights, sounds, and smells that overwhelm them. The five senses are God's most effective inroad to their hearts.
Naturalist - Loving God Out of Doors:The naturalist seeks to leave the formal architecture and the padded pews to enter an entirely new "cathedral", a place that God himself has built: the out-of-doors.

I found a couple of places online that you can take quizzes to find out what your style is. If you're curious, you can take the quizzes for yourself. The first two are the same quizzes, just different ways of answering the questions (I like the 2nd one). The last one is a different quiz with 7 different styles based on the book An Ordinary Day with Jesus by John Ortberg & Ruth Haley Barton. It can be printed off but you have to self-score it.

http://common.northpoint.org/sacredpathway.html

http://www.sacchurch.org/action-steps/sacred_pathways.htm

http://www.willowcreek.org/pdfs/Spiritual%20Pathway%20Assessment.pdf

In case you're curious, I was quite a mix of the 9. I was strongest in the Contemplative and Intellectual areas and significantly weakest in the Traditionalist category. I haven't taken the third quiz yet, but if you're curious, I'll let you know when I do. :) I think I might get the Sacred Pathways book at some point... sounds like it might have some good insights on how we relate with each other and with God.

prayer

2008-11-04T17:54:00.004-05:00

"The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply." (Matt. 6:5-8, Message)

I don't pray that much. At least not in the way I grew up believing prayer was supposed to be. When I start to "pray" I just fall into overly-rehearsed lines, like this:

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day and for bringing me safely through it."

Or, "Thank you for this food I am about to eat. Please help it to nourish and strengthen my body."

Or, "Dear God, thank you for this day. Please bring me safely through it."

I know as well as anyone else that reciting prayers without meaningfully connecting with the words or with God is essentially pointless. So how can I find a meaningful way to pray?

I've found that the only time I really pray is when I've been challenged spiritually. When I realize my short comings and recognize I need God's power to become the person I should be. But I've heard people say that they are continually in "communion" with God, day and night. What does that mean? How do they do that? Surely they don't keep a constant script going on in their heads...

"This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need." I believe that God does know what we need better than we do. And I think it is important to recognize that in order to be content in life. And since I want to live a life out of love and not fear, I know I need to learn to trust God. Which I have only recently admitted that I don't (trust Him). Seems I have a long way to go on this journey...

"With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply." My prayer life--if you can call it that--has been pretty simplistic lately. It's been mostly, "Oh God, what a mess I am. Help me figure this out. I'm not sure what to do right now, but if I take the time to listen to you, I know you can lead me. Please help me take the time!"

mental health

2008-11-03T17:26:00.002-05:00

"You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right. Then you can see God in the outside world." (Matt. 5:8, Message)

I think one of the hardest things about mental illness is having an overwhelmning sense of helplessness. Feeling like you have no control over your emotions. In a sense, you become a victim to your own mind. You don't want to be depressed or "crazy" -- but you don't feel like you have the power to heal yourself. Thus, the feeling of helplessness.

I'm not here to talk about what causes mental illness or how to cure it... I just know that mental health is of paramount importance to having a healthy, fulfilling life. It is nearly impossible to function when you are mentally ill. Mental illness can destroy your relationship with God and others.

For some reason, many people blame the mentally ill for their conditions. They say, "It's all in their heads; they're letting themselves feel depressed." Which, granted, may be true to a certain extent, at least in some situations. But, people who are mentally ill often already feel terrible about themselves. They don't need further reason to feel like they are failures. I believe that people who suffer from mental illness, particularly depression, have learned some negative coping strategies that they probably don't even realize. More than likely, they have a lot of negative self-talk and have a low self-concept. They need to be shown how to learn to love and accept themselves. Giving them the message that it's all in their head will not help them.

Mental illness and religion play a nasty cat-and-mouse game. Instead of finding hope and healing in the church, people with mental illness can actually feel more lost and even persecuted. It's funny... Jesus came here to reach out to the broken-hearted; the bitter; the depressed. He brought healing to people who had been rejected by others, had rejected themselves, or both. And yet, for some reason, the only socially acceptable behavior/emotion to display at church is joy and happiness. Don't get me wrong; I'm glad there are people who are happy and who come to church to praise God. But there are others who may be struggling and don't want to put on a happy face just to "fit in". They need a place where they can hurt, and hopefully be loved and cared for. Otherwise, they'll just stop coming to church because they feel like hypocrites.

I think that is why being in a small group and actually having relationships with the people you go to church with is so important. I also think it is important for Christians to stop being such good actors. We are real people, with real struggles, and not all of us have reached perfection in our relationship with God. I think we need to be honest with ourselves and to be sensitive to people who may need more from church than just a social gathering.

Wow, I wasn't expecting to get on my soapbox. I guess I feel strongly about this. :)

being content

2008-11-02T20:30:00.015-05:00

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." (Matt. 5:5, Message).

I am a go-getter, hard-worker, people-pleaser. Although that serves me well in many ways, it ultimately leaves me feeling like there is more I should be doing. It makes me feel I'm not doing everything I could or should be. And when I stop and take a break, I'm bombarded by thoughts of what I haven't done--and along with that comes guilt and shame.

What I really want, more than anything, is to be content. To just experience life, day to day, living in the present with no regrets, and without worrying about tomorrow. That seems like an impossibility for me. I know I need to let go of my semblance of control. I know that's going to be a process... I am going to have to swallow my pride and admit that I'm not perfect. And then I'm going to have to work on accepting myself for who I am. That means finding value in what I am, not what I do. It sure seems like it would be easier to just ignore this uncomfortable situation... but that hasn't gotten me anywhere close to feeling content.

One thing I know to be true is if you practice a feeling, it will develop and become stronger. That's the power of the mind-emotion connection. So in order to practice contentment, I need to focus on being a "proud owner" of "everything that can't be bought". And the number one thing I can be a proud owner of right now is the relationships I have with others. I would be absolutely miserable if I were the only living thing on this planet. So I am going to try to focus on being grateful for my husband, my family, my friends, and my pets. There are so many treasures within sharing time with others.

Quality Time with Chuck :)

Quality Time with Choco! xoxo

Quality Time with Twerp. My cuddle buddy!

Quality Time with Family

More Quality Time with Family

Quality Time with Friends

More Quality Time with Friends

And last but not least, Quality Time with Drew. :)

the fear of the Lord

2008-11-01T12:57:00.001-04:00

This past week I've spent some time searching for an answer to this question:

"If we are to have a relationship with God that is rooted in love and grace, where does 'the fear of the Lord' fit in?"

According to the Nelson Study Bible, "The fear of the Lord begins with an awesome awareness of who God is (see Proverbs 2:5) and ends with a proper response to good and evil (see Proverbs 16:6)."

According to Matthew G. Easton (19th century theologian), "The fear of the Lord is, in the Old Testament, used as a designation of true piety (see Proverbs 1:7, Job 28:28, Psalm 19:9). It is a fear conjoined with love and hope, and is therefore not a slavish dread, but rather filial reverence (see Deut. 32:6, Hosea 11:1, Isaiah 1:2, 63:16, 64:8). A holy fear is enjoined also in the New Testament as a preventative of carelessness in religion, and as an incentive to penitence (Matthew 10:28, 2 Cor. 5:11, 7:1, Phil. 2:12, Eph. 5:21, Heb. 12:28, 29)."

Through reading the above Bible verses and more, I came to see that "the fear of the Lord" is a good thing that develops through a relationship with God. To know God is to fear (revere) Him.

Developing a relationship with God, or a "fear of the Lord" if you will, brings many benefits to a person's life.

It brings wisdom (Job 28:28, Psalm 111:10)
It brings knowledge (Proverbs 1:7)
In combination with humility, it brings riches, honor and life (Proverbs 22:4)
In combination with God's law (Psalm 19:7-10):
It converts our souls and pulls our lives together
It simplifies things and points us in the right direction
It shows us the way to true joy
It opens and enlightens our eyes
It comes with a lifetime guarantee
It reveals the truth to us fully and accurately
And with truth comes freedom! (John 8:32)

love vs. fear

2008-10-26T20:33:00.000-04:00

I think God has really been trying to tell me something about love.

Over a month ago, my chiropractor (of all people) got me thinking about love vs. fear. During a conversation we were having, he told me that there are two basic emotions: fear and love. He said some people live and react to everything in their lives out of fear, and function on a "fight or flight" basis. Other people are loving and acceptiving of whatever happens. He went on to say that feelings like guilt and shame are rooted in fear. He said acceptance and peace are rooted in love.

Then yesterday our pastor gave a sermon about relationships. During his sermon, he quoted a portion of 1 John 4 from the Message translation of the Bible:

"God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day -- our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life -- fear of death, fear of judgment -- is one not yet fully formed in love."

If I want to be honest with myself, I have to admit I have a tendency to live out of fear. Not that I am not capable of experiencing or giving love; it just isn't the emotion that drives my life. Fear is. And I don't like that. I want to live a life driven by love. I believe that is what God wants for me (and everyone) as well.

I just finished reading The Shack by William Paul Young for our small group. There was so much in there about love vs. fear, I don't even know where to start. But it all comes down to this: my life is not fully formed in love. I have not learned to trust God and is has prevented me from developing a mature relationship with Him. This is an uncomfortable place to be, and I realize I want to be able to trust Him and submit to His love. I know I have develop beliefs in lies that must be destroyed -- something I cannot do alone.

But God has gotten my attention and has begun to woo me back into a relationship with Him. I want so much for it to work out...

matthew 7:7-8

2008-10-25T19:52:00.000-04:00

For a while, I was so burnt on religion that I couldn't even bring myself to read the Bible or listen to a sermon or even sing praise songs without getting a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was so turned off.

But God didn't give up on me. He used the people around me to remind me that He loves and cares for me. He eventually brought me to a place where I could experience healing and hope. He made it possible for me to find my way back to Him.

I am still on my way back to Him, but I'm okay with that. At least I can now start searching for some answers and try to figure out what I believe for myself. Not that other people don't have valid insights into God...I've just been listening for too long. Now I'm looking for answers to my own questions. And I believe I will find the answers. The reason I believe is because of what God says in Matthew 7:7-8:

"Ask and it will be given to you;
Seek and you will find;
Knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives;
He who seeks finds;
And to him who knocks, the door will be opened."